Saturday, August 27, 2011

I'm not

In the film "Life of Brian" there is a scene where Brian is standing at a windows talking to his followers.
"You don't need to follow me", he says. "You don't need to follow anyone. You are all individuals".
"Yes, yes," they all say in unison. "Yes, we are all individuals."
From the back of the crowd there is a single voice which calls out, "I'm not."

I'm that voice. I'm not an individual and I am not sure I want to be. I like to be part of a team, to add my effort to a group that is doing something meaningful. To be a single contributor to a greater whole. And I am quite comfortable working on my own to achieve that. I have read a lot of marketing and sales articles/books/blogs which talk about how to make yourself stand out, to set up your own business and to succeed in business with a lot of trying.
I don't want to. I prefer to be part of a larger whole and don't feel that I need to be the one controlling everything. Indeed, given the way many things are working on the internet - social networking and so forth - I am not entirely sure that many endevours really NEED someone to control every aspect.
The trouble is that I don't seem to actually fit in neatly into larger enterprise. My preferred mode of work is to sit and think about a problem, maybe write a few notes on paper and stare out the window working through it all. Meanwhile I see everyone else in our open plan office buzzing around, typing furiously all day and generally looking busy.
It has been this way since university. Other people would talk about the hours of study and going through endless problems trying to retain enough to pass the exam. I generally find it hard to concentrate on a single topic for more than an hour (although I am getting better). Instead I found that reading through my notes a couple of times and thinking about the basic principles, the connections between them and the implications was sufficient to achieve good enough marks.
All in all, there seems to be a lot of wasted effort in the way most people do things. I used to wonder what was wrong with me that I wasn't able to put in that concentrated work, but now I just sit at my desk and pretend. The most productive time of day is lunch when I can get out and go for a walk while I really *think* about things without distraction.
All of which means that I'm not an individual but I seem to be the only one who isn't.

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